I have a couple different versions of this post sitting in my draft box.
Because there is a lot that I have been wanting to say on things and events that are either too personal
or too detached.
Yet either way, after eight and half months,
it is so very good to be back.
To settle in this virtual space and extend just a few words of encouragement and hope while I navigate this part in my life.
In December,
I took a break from a self-imposed demand to show up in this blog.
I convinced myself that if I wasn't going to give myself enough room to grow here,
then maybe I should put it to bed for awhile while I reorganized the home of my priorities.
And yes, a lot of that had to do with school.
I started failing some classes and my mind was slowly depleting itself of some vital peace and order, and as important as this blog is to me,
it deserved more than I could give.
So I took a break.
And I laid out all my pieces on the table and I rearranged my necessities.
Now I am four months shy of graduating and I can't properly tell you how incredible that feels.
If you've been following me on instagram, then you'll know that I recently visited New York again about a month ago.
There was a conference there for women who carried a dream and just needed a little direction and encouragement on making that dream a reality.
And for me,
with a finger resting on the corner of a page,
ready for a new chapter,
I needed to know that there was a story on the other side of this.
That after facing two of the toughest years,
that I could be bold enough to say that it made my heart a bit more resilient from the chaos.
So I bought a plane ticket and traveled up north.
and I met people who understood.
Who could stand next to me and know what it felt like to carry this fire in your chest,
and refuse to let the thrown stones derail a paved path.
Because that can happen, you know.
It's possible to step outside the will of God and completely forget what the point was in the first place.
It's possible to either become enamored with the distractions
or pulled away by adversaries that look a lot like promise.
I used to think that no matter what path you were on,
it was the one God had for you.
That I could stand in the desert without a single ounce of hope and it was still good enough because this where I belonged.
But it took me awhile to realize the fault in that.
See, I don't think God ever wanted David to see Bathesheba like that.
I don't think He ever intended for Saul to kill off followers of Jesus.
But I do believe He is faithful and just to bring back what's been lost.
And maybe pulling the veil away from grace has always been the motive.
Because there is a lot that I have been wanting to say on things and events that are either too personal
or too detached.
Yet either way, after eight and half months,
it is so very good to be back.
To settle in this virtual space and extend just a few words of encouragement and hope while I navigate this part in my life.
In December,
I took a break from a self-imposed demand to show up in this blog.
I convinced myself that if I wasn't going to give myself enough room to grow here,
then maybe I should put it to bed for awhile while I reorganized the home of my priorities.
And yes, a lot of that had to do with school.
I started failing some classes and my mind was slowly depleting itself of some vital peace and order, and as important as this blog is to me,
it deserved more than I could give.
So I took a break.
And I laid out all my pieces on the table and I rearranged my necessities.
Now I am four months shy of graduating and I can't properly tell you how incredible that feels.
If you've been following me on instagram, then you'll know that I recently visited New York again about a month ago.
There was a conference there for women who carried a dream and just needed a little direction and encouragement on making that dream a reality.
And for me,
with a finger resting on the corner of a page,
ready for a new chapter,
I needed to know that there was a story on the other side of this.
That after facing two of the toughest years,
that I could be bold enough to say that it made my heart a bit more resilient from the chaos.
So I bought a plane ticket and traveled up north.
and I met people who understood.
Who could stand next to me and know what it felt like to carry this fire in your chest,
and refuse to let the thrown stones derail a paved path.
Because that can happen, you know.
It's possible to step outside the will of God and completely forget what the point was in the first place.
It's possible to either become enamored with the distractions
or pulled away by adversaries that look a lot like promise.
I used to think that no matter what path you were on,
it was the one God had for you.
That I could stand in the desert without a single ounce of hope and it was still good enough because this where I belonged.
But it took me awhile to realize the fault in that.
See, I don't think God ever wanted David to see Bathesheba like that.
I don't think He ever intended for Saul to kill off followers of Jesus.
But I do believe He is faithful and just to bring back what's been lost.
And maybe pulling the veil away from grace has always been the motive.
